Self Righteous
Often presents as very holy. Martyr kind of attitude. Presents as being patient and self sacrificing. Toots their own righteous horn. This anger is often not loud. It rarely loses control. It is characterized by: a critical spirit. A judge mental attitude. An unwillingness to compromise or listen. An inability to work as a team well. It often fumes quietly. Self righteous anger stores up their slights. They do not overlook any offenses but in their holiness and self righteousness they pretend to let them go. People who struggle in this way are not given to much bible time or prayer time except as it suits them. Their prayers are often very much self focused and centered on their wants as defined by their relationships.
For example, a self righteous husband would pray for God to change his selfish wife without ever thinking about the selfishness of his prayer. These people do not repent because they don’t require repentance. Self righteous ness cloaks them in their own right. Jesus is not needed to make things right because they are never wrong.
Blasting Anger
This person lacks all self control. They live in a world where all that matters is what does not go their way. They are impatient. Short tempered. They frustrate easily. They feel offended quickly. They are unreasonable and unkind in their temper. They are thoughtless in their language when upset. They blow up quick and come down quick. Once finished with their tantrum, they are fine and expect everyone else to be fine. They are unrepentant because they are unaware of the damage their temper has done. However, they learn very quickly that apologies are expected and that people forgive quicker if they say sorry. There is very little, if any, real sorrow for the harm their temper has done. They often have a semblance of holiness without any self control.
Woe is Me Anger
This anger is the hardest to address because it typically comes on the heels of some serious event such as a death: divorce: something tragic. These people suffer through an event that changed their lives. Often they are characterized by: sadness: grief: sorrow: mistrust of others: bitterness: hardness of hearts. They are governed by a sense of justice. Justice denied to them (perspective )leaves them constantly looking for justice. They tend to be cynical. Short on compassion. These people feel very little mercy for the lost; often feeling like they get what they deserve. It is hard to correct them or confront their lack of mercy because they will continually remind you of what they have suffered and what you have not suffered. These people think of themselves as long suffering and have a tendency to define the world by the suffering each person has endured. Comparison is huge fir them.
Anger that Simmers
This is a quiet anger often not detected for years. Often the way we discover it is when the angry person loses control and does something drastic like Cain. God said to him. “Why so downcast Cain?” Referring to his countenance. There is a distinct look about an angry person. They often appear sad, quiet. Often the quiet is about controlling the emotions happening on the inside. Cains anger led to extreme hatred and jealousy. And murder. These quiet angry people are some of the scariest angry people. One does not know how they will respond when they’re angry box gets full. Often they don’t know. These people would not describe themselves as angry. Ever. Nor would those around them. Identifying characteristics: they are often unable to express their emotions well. They actually have no idea how they feel. They are often people who struggle in relationships but don’t know why.
They have a limited emotional vocabulary and a very small support system because they share with very few people in a real way.
The answer to all these different anger modes is the SAME. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
If you are struggling with anger, get help. It is common to man. We all fight it. We all fight uselessly unless we fight with the armor of God.
Get help.
Biblical Answers for Anger.
It’s the same for whatever anger you struggle with. And it’s the very simple Sunday School answer: JESUS.
Now how to apply the Bible practically to the sin of unrighteousness anger is sometimes much harder. First, one has to know what the Bible says about anger.
Psalm 37:8
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
Proverbs 14:29
Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
James1:20
For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Ecc 7:9
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.
Proverbs 19:11
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Ephesians 4:31
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
The Bible is full of practical help for those who struggle with anger. Often, the struggle is that we are not looking for help. Anger is like a blanket. It insulates us from the outside world. Often, it insulates us from the things we fear. And the thing we fear most is being afraid. The problem with ongoing anger is that it creates patterned responses that then become habits.
For example, yelling. We yell to express displeasure, frustration, rage. And often we say things to ourselves like “ I will never do that again”. But we do. And each time we feel less bad about it until all of a sudden yelling is a part of our patterned responses.
Name calling and slandering are two of the same. We practice them to deal with our anger but they quickly become normal responses for us. Though they are in no way normal responses.
Characteristics of all anger:
- It is always directed at someone.
- It is often those closest to us.
- It hurts others with very little remorse.
- It justifies itself at the expense of others.
- It cannot he changed apart from a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit.
- It has eternal effects.
- It leaves a trail of carnage behind with massive burned bridges.
- It is contrary to God.
Applying the gospel.
James 1:19-20.
Be slow to speak. Quick to hear. Slow to anger.
For the wrath of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
Your anger will never make anything right. Nothing. God will not allow unrighteous anger to work righteousness. Your anger is not about God in any way or about right. It is about you.
Think. Slow down. Listen. You will be less apt to be foolish.
Ephesians 4:31. Stop using ugly words and mean words to have conversation that is hard. It will not work. Put it away. Find out what the Bible says to say instead. Put on and put off kind of living. We all talk about it when an Aries of anger very few of us actually want to live it.
The book of Proverbs
Stop being foolish. Use common sense in regards to communication. Giving full vent to your nature is sure to cause you issue and to hurt not help. Just don’t do it. And if you do, don’t justify it. Beg forgiveness. Repent. Get help.
Some common sense for anger in a crazy world where giving full vent to ourselves is most often applauded.
God help us as we strive to be like you.